Start Nurturing Healthy Relationships with Behavioral Feedback Loops

We all know that healthy relationships are crucial for our well-being, so understanding how to nurture them can be a game-changer.

Over the weekend, I was introduced to a framework called the Behavioral Feedback Loop, which consists of Perception, Behavior, and Impact.

Understanding Behavioral Feedback Loops

This framework helps us recognize patterns in our relationships.

I went through an exercise where I examined my relationships in detail using this framework to identify where these loops occur.

It was a great reminder that we play a crucial role in shaping our relationships.

When I mapped this out with my parents, husband, friends, and colleagues, I started to see recurring patterns, particularly around how I value Responsibility.

Identifying Patterns and Making Changes

One common theme I noticed is that when I don’t perceive the other person as responsible, I tend to disengage. This behavior has been unhelpful, as it makes me emotionally inaccessible.

For example, in my relationship with my spouse:

• Perception: "He is lazy and lacks ownership when it comes to chores."

• Behaviour: I nag at him to get off his computer games, sounding fierce and disappointed. I focus on what hasn't been done or mistakes, nitpicking once I get home.

• Impact: This creates tension, making our relationship resemble that of a mother and son. He feels stressed and annoyed, leading to mistrust and lack of confidence in his role in the relationship.

The comforting part is that these patterns can change.

We can start from any point in the equation—changing our perception, recognizing our impact, or altering our behaviors. This is where courage comes in.

Positive Feedback Loops

It's important to note that feedback loops can also be positive.

As James Clear eloquently explains, recognizing these loops in our lives can prevent a downward spiral of bad habits and unproductive behaviors. Instead, well-designed feedback loops can help us maintain good habits and regulate potentially unhealthy behaviors.

As we examine our own relationships, let’s have the courage to make positive changes. Reflect on your perceptions, behaviors, and the impact they have.

Remember, the power to shape our relationships lies within us!

Stay Courageous,

Joping

Joping is a Certified Self-Leadership Coach and a solopreneur in the making. She writes about everything in between intention and action, and believe courage makes the biggest difference.